"Writing is medicine. It is an appropriate antidote to injury. It is an appropriate companion for any difficult change." ā Julia Cameron
DAYS WALKED: 37/55
FUNDS RAISED: $2187
TOTAL DISTANCE: 210.83km
FEELIN’: Great! š
Thank you Garth, Anna, Stacey, and Kim for keeping me company.
Also grateful for so many of you who come to mind and make me smile when it is just me and my playlists along the path!
DONATE HERE: https://donate.parkinson.ca/site/TR/FYW/FundraisingYourWay?px=1248856&pg=personal&fr_id=2781
“If you listen to your body when it whispers you won’t have to hear it scream” – Unknown
I have been walking 5km/day for 21 days straight. My friends and family have raised $2084 for Parkinson Canada. The goal is to do this for 55 days so I have 24 days to go.
But the thing with Parkinson’s Disease is that sometimes it dictates what the day brings. And today it feels like I’m going to have to let it be the boss as stiffness, slowness, fatigue, and tremor seem to be outweighing my attempts to put on my running shoes and set my watch.
Of course, this can all change and I could head out afterall, but experience tells me that this might just be a day where surrender is required.
I have been told, by many, that I am ‘competitive’ (right now I know that some of you reading that statement are laughing as you recall a time when you have suffered through my competitive behaviours!). I don’t like to give-in. But PD has taught me that there are times when making informed decisions is the best option.
If I finish the day without getting the 5km completed, I will be disappointed. However, if I push myself beyond capability, I could end up feeling worse, get dizzy, lose balance, fall, etc.
99% of the time, exercise makes me feel better – loosens things up – encourages flexibility. But right now, I am the Tin-Man; stiff, rigid, stuck and perhaps feeling a little rusty after all of these rainy days.
43 to go….
Just sharing a quick update on my Parkinson Canada Fundraiser; Strive to Thrive – 55!Ā
The weather has been wet, windy, and cold, and although I have felt tempted to just stay indoors, I haven’t given in! Thanks to Garth for sharing the sidewalk with me often and my friend Anna for coming out on Wednesdays!
Fundraising Your Way: Carla Collier – Parkinson Canada
I am feeling completely overwhelmed by the generosity of friends & family!š
In my quest to fundraise for Parkinson’s Canada by walking 5km/day for 55 days, I have already surpassed my $$ goal!
Also feel very lucky to have the perfect 5km trail around Kempenfelt Bay here in Barrie where Garth and I enjoy walking! And so far, I’ve had 5 days of fabulous sunny/warm weather which has made it very easy to be outside! I think the weather is about to change but I’m hopeful that I’ll stay on track regardless!
If you are able to donate and/or interested in finding out more, click here: https://donate.parkinson.ca/site/TR/FYW/FundraisingYourWay?px=1248856&pg=personal&fr_id=2781
āIf exercise could be packaged in a pill, it would be the single most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation.ā
-Robert Butler, National Institute on Aging
Day 1/55
I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day to get started and a wonderful friend for company! 5kms done!
Never imagined I’d be wearing shorts and a T-shirt but the sun was shining and the temperature unseasonably warm for mid April in Ontario. I’ll take it!
I have been overwhelmed by the donations that have come in since my page went live yesterday. Thanks to the generosity of friends and family, we have surpassed my goal of $555!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I will share my progress throughout the challenge, but definitely not daily!
Read about and/or donate at the link below;
https://donate.parkinson.ca/site/TR?pg=personal&fr_id=2781&px=1248856
April is Parkinson’s Awareness Month and April 11th is World Parkinson’s Day! As a person living with Parkinson’s (PD), I feel compelled to do something to improve awareness of PD and to contribute to research that might someday prevent others from getting caught in it’s hold.
And let me tell you; once you get it – it is yours to keep. Limited treatments. No cure.
More than 100,000 Canadians live with Parkinson’s, a number expected to increase substantially in the coming years, with 30 Canadians – of all ages – diagnosed each day.
April 12th is my 55th birthday and I have decided to mark the occasion by kicking off my fundraiser, “Strive to Thrive – 55” for Parkinson Canada. Since exercise is one of the most effective things that I can do help minimize my symptoms and slow progression, I am setting a goal to walk 5 km each day for 55 consecutive days! I would like to raise $555.00 to support the work towards prevention and/or a cure.
If you find yourself with a few extra dollars during these tough economic times, it would be very much appreciated if you could donate. And if a donation just isn’t in the cards for you right now, you could visit the Parkinson Canada website (click About Parkinson’s tab) and fulfill my goal to improve awareness by reading and learning more about PD.
Parkinson’s is the fastest growing neurological disorder in the world. In the brain, nerves exchange signals through dopamine, a chemical that controls movement. Parkinson’s symptoms occur when cells that produce dopamine die. By 2031, the number of people living with Parkinson’s in Canada will more than double. The support you provide makes a positive impact by: improving the quality of life for people living with Parkinson’s disease and investing in research to prevent it from happening. Hopefully someday we might have a cure!
If you would like to follow along with me, I will be posting updates on
Twitter: https://twitter.com/PdPonderingĀ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ponderingpd
My blog: https://ponderingpd.ca
I have also linked my Fitbit to the fundraising page so you should be able to track progress there too!
Thanks,
Carla
http://donate.parkinson.ca/goto/Carla_Collier
“Sugar is the sociopath of foods. It acts sweet, but it’s really poison.” – Karen Salmansohn
I know it has such a negative impact on me…yet I have such a hard time looking away. Cakes and cookies and creams oh my! Toss in Christmas festivities and the effects are multiplied.
It’s my own fault. For some nostalgic reason, I feel obliged to bake in December. Peanut butter chocolate squares, snickerdoodles, sugar cookie cut-outs, shortbread, etc. Yes, I tell myself that I do it for the kids…but who eats it? ME!
Of course there are scientific connections – dopamine availability, impulse control disorders, microbiome health etc. Just google “sugar and Parkinson’s” and you will find a plethora of scientific journal articles and research into the topic.
I don’t need any further scientific proof or research to confirm that this substance that I love, is tremendously harmful to my health. My symptoms speak for themselves. I am fully aware that sugar does not get along with my gut, my heart or my brain – yet I continue to consume it in unhealthy and immeasurable quantities.
This is it. We have to break up.
There is no better (and more obvious) time to start over, so tomorrow at midnight on December 31st, I will make valiant attempt to make a clean break from processed sugars.
There. I wrote it down so I must mean business.
Now, I just have to tell sugar…
Helpful links:
Davis Phinney Foundation – Sugar Cravings
5 Tips to Beat Sugar Cravings with Parkinson’s Disease
Parkinson’s Foundation – Diet Guide
Parkinson’s Disease and Sugar Intake-Reasons for and Consequences of a Still Unclear Craving
āI hate being sick, I feel like a superhero with no powers.ā ā Unknown
After almost three years of staying home, wearing masks, getting jabs and boosters, the Covid-19 virus finally struck my family two weeks ago.
This is my first real bout with illness following my diagnosis 5.5 years ago (long time – no sick…I know!), and having gotten through the worst of it, here is what I have learned about being sick when you have a chronic neurodegenerative disease.
Medication: All medication to alleviate my Covid-19 symptoms must be carefully considered so as not to interfere with PD meds. I take two different PD medications; Carbidopa/Levodopa and Rasagiline. CL is a pretty agreeable drug, but Rasagiline ‘does not get along with others’ in the medication playground. Something as mainstream as Advil is out for me. Thankfully, basic acetaminophen is an acceptable friend. However, the shelves of pain relievers and cough/cold meds are pretty much empty right now so options are severely limited.
Exercise: The most effective and accessible treatment for my PD is daily vigorous exercise. With the cough, fatigue, and achy body that Covid-19 has bestowed upon me, exercise is not an option. I am already feeling the setback that this will lead to as the stiffness and rigidity will take over without that essential movement.
Sleep: Sleep disruption and PD is common. Add to that the incessant Covid-19 cough and you get total sleep disfunction. Decrease in sleep leads to increased PD symptoms. More setback.
Isolation: Being contagious means no appointments. No physio. No osteo. I rely heavily upon appointments like this but have had to cancel. More and more setback.
Loss of smell: People have reported losing the ability to smell with Covid-19. Loss of smell (hyposmia) is also an early sign of PD and I lost my sense of smell many years before any other PD symptoms showed up. I wrote about it here: The Earliest Sign. So this particular Covid-19 symptom had zero impact, on me, other than concern over the neurological implications. The nose knows more than you think. Losing your sense of smell, either temporarily or long-term should be a concern for everyone.
Post Covid/Long Covid: According to the Government of Canada website, the most common symptoms of Long-Covid are: “fatigue, memory problems, sleep disturbances, shortness of breath, anxiety and depression, general pain and discomfort, difficulty thinking or concentrating, post traumatic stress disorder” (Post Covid-19 condition). Well, much on this list of goodies is quite similar to what many people with PD live with daily. I sure hope that this virus cruising through my body is not thinking about sticking around – opting to stay dormant and bring on more of the same at a later date.
The Great Unknown: Do I have an increased risk of developing complications? Who knows? From what I have read and been told by my medical team, I don’t think so. But a virus has a mind of it’s own and it will be years before we know the full implications of this pandemic. I had the Epstein Barr virus and the Meningococcal virus in my early 20’s and just look at me now! A virus is an uninvited guest, an intruder whose sole objective is to bring more unruly guests into your home to take over and completely wreck your party. Now it’s time to clean up the mess left behind.
and finally, the most important thing that I will take away from this…
Do not get sick: that’s it.
“Friendship is a wildly underrated medication” – Anna Deavare Smith
I started taking Levodopa five years ago immediately following diagnosis. Right from the start, I didn’t notice a significant impact. Other PWP spoke about their on/off times and how they watch the clock in anticipation of their next dose and intended relief. I have never felt that way – in fact, if I didn’t have a reminder set on my phone, I might likely forget to take my meds! I’ve mentioned this to my neurologist, but she felt that the meds were having an impact and that my low dose was beneficial.
I have often toyed with the thought of going off them just to see how they work or don’t work, but have never followed through with my curiosity.
Well, purely by accident, this curiosity was unfortunately answered.
I went away for a weekend with the best-ever lifelong friends and when I looked to take my 8pm dose, I was alarmed to realize that I had forgotten my pill pack. Oh my! I kept this information to myself. I knew this wasn’t life-threatening and I also didn’t want to alarm my friends. The meds were a two-hour drive away and I didn’t want to upset the weekend.
All remained relatively ‘normal’ for the first 24 hours. Time was spent hiking outdoors in the sunshine with two of my favourite people. Laughter, sunshine, and exercise are all producers of natural dopamine which is what I will credit for the initial feeling of normalcy. Without these, I predict I would have felt the ‘off’ period much sooner. But after a full day unmedicated, all hell broke loose.
I did not sleep…all night long. My left side was tremoring just enough to wreak havoc on my ability to calm. By morning, my body was crying for dopamine. I was emotional, stressed, and physically and mentally exhausted.
Upon arriving home, I took my meds and within 30 minutes, calm was restored.
Did I survive? Yes
Did I have fun? Absolutely
Do I need medication? 100%
Now I know.
āAlmost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutesā¦including you.ā -Anne Lamott
Over three months ago, I wrote Waves which described my desire to take a break from all things Parkinsonās related. And much to my own surprise, I am not yet ready to return to advocacy, research, or fundraising.
This is not apathy.
This is not negativity.
This is living.
Summer was warm, relaxed, and filled with great times spent with family, friends, and plenty of days at the beach. (*note: the beach fixes everything!)
Yes, there are moments when symptoms can take some of the joy out of my day and interfere with my plans. But I have a toolkit of strategies that usually enable me to get through those times.
I believe I am currently hovering in a welcome state of āplateauā where disease progression has paused somewhat.
ORā¦ perhaps because my focus has shifted away from PD, I simply havenāt felt/noticed progression.
Either way, I am happy to remain atop this plateau for a while longer.
“But I think that I have already been moving too long in a sphere which is not my own – allow me to paddle in my own element.” – Ivan Turgenev
I held off on posting this for a few days as I feared that it might come off as too negative. But I want this blog to be authentic so here you goā¦
Iām learning that living alongside a chronic neurodegenerative illness like Parkinsonās Disease might possibly be similar to navigating a wavy ocean. Or in my case, since I donāt live near the ocean, steering a canoe through both fair and stormy weather. Sometimes when the water is rough, you rely on your experience and employ all of your paddling skills to safely make it through the storm. Other times, the waters are smooth and you can take in the scenery as you mindlessly dip your paddle in to move forward.
This is where I want to be. Even though, at times, the conditions may be roughā¦I want to purposely choose smooth.
Mindless dipping sounds good.
I am taking a break from reading through and deciphering the complicated language and purpose of āpromisingā scientific research reports. If they find a cure, Iāll surely hear about it.
I am taking a break from advocating and building awareness for Parkinsonās Disease. Releasing myself from the āpatient pressureā to inform others.
I am taking a break from trying to read through Parkinson-based books on my bedside table. Fictional escapism will produce better dreams.
I am taking a break from trying all of the latest recommended supplements and dietary changes. I am going to eat the cake.
I am taking a break from Parkinsonās.
Of course, Parkinsonās never takes a break from me, but I can dictate how much I give back to it.
While I am sure I will likely get back on board at some time in the future, for today Iām riding the perfect wve.
āBe attentive to the roles by which you live – and choose them well. For ultimately, you will become whatever you identify yourself to be.ā -David Charles Manners
From the day I was born I was gifted with names/labels/roles that I have worn proudly throughout my life. These names/labels/roles provide a definition of who I am. I am a female, daughter, sister, graduate, woman, sister, adult, aunt, wife, educator, friend, and mom (my favourite!). I have been truly lucky in my life to carry those labels because attached to them are so many relationships with family, friends, and colleagues, that have made my life rich and entertaining.
Today is my 5 year ādiagnosis anniversary.ā It marks the day when I received the Parkinsonās Disease label. The day that I was labeled as a patient with an illness, disability, and chronic disease. But unlike my other labels, this one does not define who I am – and I will not let it. But I will acknowledge, that like all other labels, there is a relationship that exists between me and PD. It is certainly not my friend, but I need to get along with it so that it doesnāt take control over my other important and valued roles.
Being labeled with a ādiseaseā is complicated and worthy of a future post. But today, this is all the time I will give to PD. Iāve got better things to do! Off to walk with my dog in the morning sun.
“I have Parkinson’s Disease. Everyone in the photo is impacted by it.” -myself on Twitter
Throughout this month of Parkinsonās Disease Awareness, there have been some insightful conversations among PWP in Twitterland. The dialogue really got me thinking. Whose responsibility is it to spread awareness?
Since my own diagnosis 5 years ago, I instinctively jumped on the #awareness train.
I want quality research. I want better treatments. I want a cure.
I have sent letters to and met with politicians, advocated for local fitness programs, participated in research studies, ran/walked in fundraising events, shared a wealth of information on social media, and started this blog all in the name of building awareness of Parkinsonās Disease.
On April 11th, World Parkinsonās day, I posted my āawarenessā tweet. But who did I reach? Well, my post was read by other PWP, a handful of neurologists, physiotherapists, and some PD organizations. People who are already āawareā of PD. So who was my awareness message for? What is my goal when it comes to building awareness?
After much consideration, I think that my attempts are not really about reaching a wider audience, but more about developing an awareness of self, among a community of others who āget itā. There is a little part of me that wants the world to know exactly how I feel ā the pain, fatigue, stress, the hell that PD can be. Yet thereās another part that wants to hold all of those things privately in order to preserve who I truly am. To be seen simply as Carla. I donāt want to get lost in the disease.
Prior to diagnosis, I had zero knowledge of Parkinsonās Disease. Why would I? But learning, reading, and writing about it has turned me into an expert.
So my take on Parkinsonās Awareness day/month? There are plenty of PD organizations that should carry the ultimate responsibility to tackle awareness. PWP should feel free to choose to get involved or not get involved as they see fit for their own mental health and well-being. If that means spreading messages of hope and optimism ā then do that. If that means sharing your pain and your fears ā then do that too.
Regardless of our experience and whether we choose to share or not share anything at all, at the very least, we should all be made to feel safe and supported by each other.
āI donāt look at a knife the way I used to. Iām more aware of what it is.ā -Neil Young
Since leaving my career, I have made some sporadic attempts at becoming more skilled in the kitchen. Garth has always been the cook, and Iāve been the cleaner-upper! So with more time on my hands, I thought this would be a new hobby, an exciting challenge, and a way to help out.
I took to watching cooking shows/competitions; Masterchef, Jamie Oliver, and the Great Canadian/British Baking Challenge. Always completely impressed by, and envious of, the skill, speed, and knowledge each chef/competitor possessed.
I have discovered that Parkinsonās Disease adds a whole different set of challenges to being effective (and safe!) in the kitchen. Just now, I laughed at the thought of a new reality show; āMasterchef – Parkinsonās Edition!ā
Knife skills: there is constant worry that the tremor or the dyskinesia is going interfere and result in slicing/dicing off my fingers instead of the onion!
Speed: the rigidity, stiffness, and slow movement turn Jamie Oliverās 40-minute meals into 400-minute meals.
Loss of smell: is something burning? I donāt know!
Multi-tasking: those multi-step recipes are killers. Iām better off making soups or one-dish meals to help with focus.
Peeling, paring, grating: Anything that requires my two hands to perform different tasks simultaneously takes time, concentration, and patience. ( I wrote about this in An Apple a Day )
Knife skills: yes, I said that already, but I cannot emphasize enough how scary this part is
My food processors (large and small) have become my best friends in the kitchen and I ask for help with other tasks when my symptoms just wonāt cooperate. Other helpful tips are here: Helpful Mealtime Tips
The happiness that I get when my family loves the meal is a wonderful reward.
āI used to hurry a lot. I used to worry a lot. I used to stay out ātil the break of dayā The Eagles ā The Long Run
Since my diagnosis in 2017, I have read, researched, and learned so much about Parkinsonās Disease that I consider myself to be my own personal expert. PD impacts people in a variety of ways and not everyone has the same symptoms or issues. However, it is progressive in nature and will undoubtedly worsen over time. Yet even the speed of progression varies from person to person.
Every now and then, thoughts, of where I could be heading, creep into my mind. But as quick as they enter, I push them out. The only timeframe that I can control is now. I cannot change the past and I certainly cannot predict the future. Nor do I want to. I have never been inclined to flip to the last page of a book to find out what happens, and I donāt want to know how the movie ends before I watch it.
Almost a decade ago, I ran a marathon with my friend Shannon (definitely on the highlight reel of my life!). Our training included multiple short runs and one long run per week. The length of the long run would increase gradually over the weeks and months in order to build up our distance so that we were prepared to run 42.2 km on the day of the marathon. Parkinsonās Disease is a long run and I feel that keeping my focus on what I can/should do NOW, to move well and feed and protect my brain, will prepare me for whatever goes down eventually.
Worrying about the future is useless, possibly even harmful. Preparing for it is productive.
Pondering PD 